I’m going through a rough patch. I’ve been through worse. This is (hopefully) a minor dip in the road. However, I’m conditioned to panic when my mood goes a little south. I project past experiences onto the present, re-live uncomfortable memories…yeah. Dread. That’s pretty much it. I experience dread. Which, makes sense, as that would be a symptom of depression, which I suffer from periodically.
In my older years, the depression has generally been childbirth-induced, or psychotropic-medicine-induced. I suspect the latter is the case here. I’m tapering a medicine that I started postpartum, and…well…here we go again. Roller coaster ride, Dr. Jekyll/Mrs. Hyde, yuckity yuck.
It’s not too bad yet, so there’s hope that my body will adjust to the dosage I’ve tapered to, and I will bounce back quickly. This is what I’m hoping for. In the meantime, I will appreciate this medicine’s irony.
Let me explain. When I started taking the drug, everything looked yummy! (Food, that is. Even food I don’t normally eat, like Taco Bell breakfast burritos, and other fast food blech.) Largely because of this, no doubt, I’ve gained about fifteen to twenty pounds on this medicine. Now that I’m tapering off, I feel nauseous with no appetite. So, even though the drug causes weight gain (a known side effect, almost everyone who takes it gains weight), it comes with a very handy, built-in weightloss mechanism as well.
One must always look on the bright side.
Also on the Bright Side
I’m feeling more in control of my eating, so I’ve been preferring healthier foods over the last week or so. I’ve also moved to Step 2 in my Radiant Recovery program. I’ve journalled my food for six days now, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I haven’t managed to do this for a very long time, so it’s a step in the right direction. Or two steps actually. (I’m on Step 2 of the program…get it? Two steps in the right direction? Okay…)
I also know there are fun fall adventures ahead, like apple picking, and pumpkin patching, and soccer gaming, and Halloween, and I really want to be in a good mental place so that I can enjoy those things. That is my prayer for myself.
I don’t pray for myself very much, but I think I shall start. Soon and often.
Oh. Is it just me or is Facebook negative and depressing? I’ve seriously considered a Facebook vacation. Maybe for a few months. Just to see what it feels like. I doubt it will happen, because I want to know what’s going on in people’s lives. But I don’t want their depressing articles and memes, and irritating political opinions. Know what I mean?
Thanks for listening. I feel like this has been a mini therapy session. But it doesn’t have to be all about me. If you need to vent about something, by all means, do so in the comments. I will be a listening ear.
Jessica E. Thomas graduated summa cum laude with Academic Honors in Writing from Ball State University, receiving a Bachelor of Science in English and a Minor in Creative Writing. She began her professional career in marketing at a large Indianapolis law firm. Since transitioning to Information Technology in 2001, she has worked in the pharmaceutical, student loan, and finance industries as a computer programmer, systems analyst, Web developer, and technical writer. She has authored two novels, three novellas, a poetry collection, a short story collection, and a children’s book.