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A Brief History of the Unified Trinal Colonies – HUNDRED EQUITABLE YEAR WAR, PT 3


Fueled by the Anti-kene Ikene propaganda, which was subtle but pervasive (thanks to the help of the wealthy Anti-kene Ikene, Bryn Nerlesse, who covertly controlled several cross-colonial news organizations), many normal, everyday Ikenes began to join the philosophical battleground. Social networks became clogged with opinions, many of which were never solicited. More and more people agreed with the Anti-kene Ikenes, that they–the Ikenes–had overstepped their bounds and imposed themselves on a fellow alien society. Ikenes across the colonies apologized, digitally, to the lessers, and vowed to fight for their equality as well as the abolishment of the term “lesser”. To a degree this was good, because there were indeed inequalities that needed addressed. However, the Anti-kene Ikenes wanted more than equality. They wanted to be right. About everything. And in their desire to be right, they became zealous, much like the Majoons had, and began acting stupid.

In 3921, they incited violent protests across the colonies, shouting in the streets to end Klogworp slavery. The slavery to which they were referring was the enlistment of Klogworp construction workers to rebuild the oden generator which the Anti-kenes had destroyed. Some of the quotes on the protesters’ signs:

“Don’t be a dork, free the Klogworps.”

“Ikenes are schmucks. Imperialism sucks.”

“We don’t need no oden waves. We need ta free the Klogworp slaves.”

The protests lasted four days during which houses, businesses, and government buildings were set on fire, windows were broken, and entertainment systems were stolen. By the time the police subdued the rioters, quadrillions of lingls worth of damage had been done, and no opinions had been swayed one way or the other. But some people were happy with their new sub-woofers.


The Ikene Government Cooperative (IGC) headquarters is located on the Ikene’s origin planet, Tatsura. It is in the capitol city of Pooph (‘poof’) and occupies over 100-acres of land within which a broad range of governmental buildings as well as historical monuments are located. One of these buildings is the Department of Ipigs (once called the Department of Lessers). Not surprisingly, it was a prime target for the Anti-kenes and their Ikene cohorts, and it indeed became a target of a historic bombing in 3925.

Because the Anti-kene Ikenes looked like Ikenes, it was relatively easy for them to infiltrate the government complex and deploy their bombs in the basement of the building, especially because there was no security to speak of in the building. Despite the Anti-kenes Ikenes’ many terrorist attacks throughout the colonies, the Ikenes were notoriously light on security, because more and more Ikene citizens and government servants were beginning to loathe themselves. University professors called this worldview shift an evolution of the species, and because it was elevated by academia, loathing oneself was becaming a source of pride. Simply put, when you are convinced everything is your fault, you don’t have time to protect yourself because you are too busy apologizing.

Hundreds of Ikene lives were lost in the explosion, which destroyed the entire building within seconds. The Ikene politicians argued about whether to retaliate but decided against it for fear of angering the Anti-kenes Ikenes. They voted to erect a memorial instead.


With the civil war decades behind them, the Klogworps once again developed contradictory opinions of their Ikene neighbors. Some viewed them as precursors to their golden age of technology, but a growing majority viewed them as slave-driving oppressors, thanks, in large part, to the far-reaching influence of the Anti-kene Ikene supported cross-colonial news organizations. In 3935, the Klogworp public elected an Anti-kene supporter, Jipers Godhog, to the presidency, who promptly declared war on the Ikenes.

To explain the social dynamics of the time, imagine a two-sided scale with Ikene colonial pride on one side, and Klogworp colonial pride on the other. Now imagine that the farther south the Ikene side plunges, the higher the Klogworp side rises. Another way to put it: as the Ikenes became more self-deprecating, the Klogworps became more self-righteous. While an adjustment to the scale was necessary to raise Klogworps from “lesser” status, historians agree that this over-adjustment, fueled the war.

Because of their growing pride in their own achievements, the Klogworps took a page out of the Ikene playbook. When their scientists developed, what they called, bititech (a new kind of engineered matter that was denser and thus more superior to trinotech, so dense that it could survive the internal temperature of a yellow sun), they kept it to themselves.

In 3943 the Klogworps developed a new technology, this time relating to military prowess. Specifically, they discovered that if they split the nucleus of their bititech atoms they could blow stuff up, stuff like small orbiting moons. Instead of blowing up a moon, however, they blew up a comet, and they made sure they had video, which they then leaked to the news organizations.

The Ikene government took notice. Rather than blow stuff up in response, they voted to shut down the Ikene stream leading to the Roundabout solar system. The decision was unpopular among the Ikenes because it meant they could no longer buy their beer or trinkets. Riots broke out in many Ikene cities and the Anti-kene Ikenes doubled their efforts to annoy as many people as they could with minor skirmishes and random explosions.

The decision was even more unpopular with the Klogworp government, because they were now reliant on Ikene products, namely the vallere and fuddite fueling their upsurge of wave ship production. (The Klogworps took apart one of the wave ships provided to them by the Ikenes after first contact. Of course they did. Wouldn’t you? They figured out its internals, and with the help of Klogworp corporate spies, obtained the schematics necessary to fill in the blanks.) So they reneged and signed an agreement with the Ikenes to disassemble the machinery they’d created to blow stuff up. (The Anti-kenes stole the blueprints to said machinery and those blueprints have never been located. But that’s a different story.) After the agreement was signed, the Ikenes reopened the stream for trading and travel.


The economic status of the Klogworps in the Ikene colonies had improved by this time. For instance, Klogworps could now, by law, enroll in trade school, which allowed them to procure higher paying jobs in areas such as vacuum repair, vending machine engineering, and traffic coordinating. But many agreed this was not enough, including the Anti-kene Ikenes. They were still busy creating microcosmic chaos while the Ikenes were busy feeling guiltier and guiltier.

Despite this mass guilt, half of the Ikene politicians remained isolationist patriots, because half of the Ikene voters were merely pretending to feel guilty so they wouldn’t get yelled at by their friends, who they assumed were pro-Anti-kene Ikenes. As a result, many bills became tied up in assembly, never seeing daylight because neither side could win a majority.

In 3952 the Anti-kene Ikenes believed the time was right to win majority public favor. To do so, they organized a coordinated attack on fifty-five major public Ikene universities, which included bombing, rioting, and protest marching. All the university professors sided with the rioters, so they blew up their own offices, their own classrooms, and their own buildings. The Ikene government declared martial law to control the rioters and to salvage the remaining public university buildings.

During the next election cycle over half of the politicians campaigned on the promise of stopping the violence and bringing equality to all people within the Ikene colonies. Their push was successful because of a slim majority of taxpayers who were tired of paying to rebuild bombed-out buildings. After the elections, the new government passed a bill allowing all Klogworps equal access to Ikene universities.

Over four thousand Ikenes and Klogworps were killed in the university attacks.


The Hundred Equitable Year War did not end abruptly. Instead, the violence fizzled as more and more pro-Klogworp bills were voted into law. Ultimately, the Anti-kene Ikenes didn’t win the war with bombs. They won it via attrition. As the old generation died, the younger Ikene voters reshaped society to support their ideals, including the ideal of inclusivity.

In 3961, the first of many official peace talks occurred, involving Ikene ambassadors as well as Klogworp ambassadors and representatives from the Anti-kenes. The peace talks dragged on for years, and therefore, were not very exciting. The represented parties simply weren’t in a hurry because everyone was getting along so well. During the peace talks, various drafts of the Terms of Interstellar Engagement were written, struck through, rewritten, and modified.

The following terms made it into the final document. This list is not exhaustive:

  1. The Ikenes shall provide the Klogworps with the technology to construct their own streams, without Ikene oversight.
  2. The Klogworps shall provide the Ikenes with bititechnology research and practical applications.
  3. The Klogworps shall be free to attend any Ikene university or higher-learning institution of their choice.
  4. The Ikenes shall place no restrictions on Klogworp employment within the Ikene colonies.
  5. The Ikenes and Klogworps shall not tax imports or exports.
  6. The Ikenes and Klogworps will work together to explore the galaxy and shall continue to apply the Bill of Ipigs Rights.

In 3977, the Anti-kenes officially disbanded, however, pockets of rebels remained throughout the colonies, rebranding themselves as the Anti-kene Resistance. Since they continued to create havoc for some, the Klogworp and Ikene governments agreed that an official peace treaty should be drafted and signed to officially end the war and establish peace in the minds of the public. Like the Terms of Interstellar Engagement, the drafting of the treaty went through countless iterations over the course of fifteen years, and included the formation of a new government: The Unified Trinal Colonies.