Pretty Odd Blog

A Brief History of the Unified Trinal Colonies – HUNDRED EQUITABLE YEAR WAR, PT 2

The first act of war was the Klogworp declaration of war. And then nothing happened for five years. Until a new Klogworp leader decided to make good on his campaign promise to fight back against the Ikene oppressors. He started by jacking up the price of beer. Since sukoo was now the number one alcoholic beverage in the GDECC galaxy, the economic pain rippled through the colonized solar systems.

But let’s back up and attempt to illustrate the absurdity of the Klogworp declaration of war against the Ikenes: it was like a jiga** threatening a piccusop with a tiny stick, or a shizem telling a vacke to buzz off. Does the piccusop move, or the vacke fly away? No. They just look down and laugh. This is essentially what the Ikenes did to the Klogworps, even despite the beer tax.

For four years the Ikenes payed extra money for their beer and all seemed well. At least for the Ikenes. The Klogworps were still in the midst of a civil war.

In 3901, the Klogworps elected a new president, Crane Leblis, based on his campaign promise to stop the civil war. He made good on his promise by declaring an end to the war with the Ikenes and enlisting Ikene help. With Ikene enforcements, Leblis carpet-bombed Anti-kene strongholds and raised the flag of victory. The public honored the declaration and rejoiced over the end of the civil war, but the Anti-kenes did not. They simply went underground and over the next fifteen years, developed into a sophisticated terrorist network, which eventually re-declared war on the Ikenes. In the meantime, the Ikenes payed less for beer.

Then relations went south.

The Anti-kenes caused much trouble when they bombed (a.k.a. destroyed) the oden generator fueling the major shipping route between the Pyaniedi and Harian solar systems. At the time, a large percentage of fuddite was sourced from the desolate planet, Bewore, in the Pyaniedi system. From there it was shipped to the Harian system, and then to the Ikene home system of Prack. The Anti-kenes bombed the generator just outside of the Pyaniedi system, causing a major disruption in the cost of wave ship fuel.

The Anti-kenes called it a major victory, but the Ikene sympathizers, which were now the majority of the Klogworps, called it a terrible travesty, mostly because they knew the Ikenes possessed the military power to knock their planet back to its original axis, which would cause another case of planetary environmental chaos, which they had no energy for, given they’d spent the last twenty years recovering from the chaos caused by the first axis shift. Not to mention all the cleanup they still needed to undertake because of the civil war. In short, the Klogworps were terrified, and the Ikenes were madder than a jackwado*** in a swarm of kazis.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. Some Ikenes were not angry. In fact, they rejoiced. You see, by now, a generation of Ikenes had lived next door to Klogworps, meaning, Klogworps were no longer alien. They were friends. In some cases, yes, even family. (Klogworp and Ikene DNA is compatible. Sort of.) This same generation, which had grown up in relative abundance and comfort, had watched Klogworps drive taxis, feed them jackwado burgers, and clean their toilets and understood that one of these things was not like their other, or rather, one of these things was not being treated like the other, and so they were angry at their government. Not only for their government’s treatment of Klogworps, but also because their government had conquered the stars at all. As much as they loved their Klogworp neighbors, they believed everything in nature should stay in nature, untouched. That included people. It didn’t matter that some Klogworps were glad the Ikenes had descended through their clouds. The Anti-kene Ikenes knew what was best for everyone, and what was best was for the Ikenes to suffer for everything they had ever done to anybody.

Now, back to the destroyed oden generator.

To calm the Ikene government, the Klogworp ambassadors quickly traveled to the IGC headquarters to offer their condolences (fifty Ikenes and ten Klogworps had died in the blast) and their solution. They would offer their best and strongest engineers to replace the oden generator as quickly as possible. The Ikenes didn’t like this idea because they still didn’t want Klogworps anywhere near their proprietary technology. No Klogworps that could understand it, anyway. So, instead the Ikenes asked for their strongest construction workers with low to moderate IQs to help rebuild the generator while Ikene engineers oversaw the operation. Everyone agreed to the new terms and further violence between the Ikene and Klogworp governments was averted.

The Anti-kenes, nevertheless, were bolstered by their success. Soon their terrorist network expanded to include the Anti-kene Ikenes, and together they vowed to do everything thing in their power to inflict pain and disrupt the Ikene way of life. In comparison to the Ikene military, they still wielded very little power, but they had enough to annoy people, and that is what they did for the next four decades.

**A jiga is a 10-legged hard-shelled bug with a meaty thorax native to Dreg. It builds nests out of small twigs and is considered a delicacy by some Klogworp cultures.

**A piccusop is the largest land animal on its native planet Tatsura. The shaggy, brown-haired creature is docile unless threatened.

**A shizen is a hairless carnivorous rodent native to Dreg that is able to attack animals twice its size.

**A vacke (‘vah-kee’) is a golden-feathered, predatory bird from Tatsura that preys on rodents and small animals. It has a two-meter wingspan and a keen sense of sight.

***A jackwado is a squat, muscular animal from Tatsura, with short legs and a large everything else. It has four rows of teeth that fall out annually, thus the animals are hunted for their meat during their toothless season. Otherwise, they will chomp off your entire leg in one bite just for tickling their nose with a long, fuzzy blade of grass.

***A kazi is a stinging insect, also native to Tatsura, that stings anything in its general vicinity. The stinger is permanently affixed to the tip of the insect’s abdomen, so it can sting and re-sting as many times as necessary to kill its victim. A swarm of kazis comes with a fifty per cent chance of death to a person or animal.