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A Brief History of the Unified Trinal Colonies – FIRST CONTACT

First Contact

By now it may be obvious that the Ikenes were spacefaring before the Klogworps or the Majoons. The reason for this could lie in the inherent richness of natural resources on the Ikene mother planet. It could be that the Ikene’s crawled from the primordial ooze before their peers. (The dates for the origins of each species are still fuzzy.) Alternately, it could be that their penchant for adventure caused them to thrust themselves into the stars prematurely. (It is written in historical documents that the Ikene’s earliest experiments with flight included tar and feathering peasants and then launching them into the air with giant catapults to see if they would hover.) Whatever the reason, the facts are what they are. The Ikene’s conquered space first, and as such were aware of the Klogworps and the Majoons before the Klogworps and Majoons where aware of them.

This led to a public ethical debate on the treatment of “lessers”, as they were once called, but this term has been stricken from all public records except those written to remind Ikene’s of their once unfair treatment of their peers. Now, such groups are referred to via the (some may say less concise, others may say more descriptive) term Intelligent Primitive Indigenous People Groups (IPIPGs, pronounced ‘ipigs’. The final ‘p’ is silent due to the universal inability to pronounce ‘pg’ without stuttering or accidently swallowing one’s tongue. The term “ipig” will be used throughout the remainder of this document to reduce data storage requirements.)

The result of the debate was a bill, signed into law, which was, in hindsight, exceedingly fair before fair was law. It was called “The Bill of Ipigs’** Rights” and contained the following declarations:

  1. Thou shall not interfere in the cultural or spiritual development of ipigs.
  2. Though shall not interfere in the scientific development of ipigs unless a development threatens to cause self-annihilation or annihilation of the galaxy or known universe.
  3. Thou shall not influence ipigs’ political processes unless self-annihilation is imminent.
  4. Thou shall not steal natural resources from ipigs.
  5. When ipigs become spacefaring, thou shall not initiate first contact unless Ikene assets are in jeopardy.

** “Lessers” has been replaced with “ipigs”.

A chronology of each people group’s ascension to the stars can be found later in this document. For now, as the subtitle of this section implies, the Ikene’s first contact with the Majoons and the Klogworps will be discussed.



Without getting lost in the details, it is necessary to state that the Klogworps never achieved faster than light interstellar travel, but instead evolved, as all intelligent people groups seem to, to entering stasis, or hibernation, to traverse long distances within their solar system. This, by itself, is not a very interesting topic. What is interesting is what happened when the Klogworp ship, The Sleeper, malfunctioned and set its sleeping passengers on a 450-year journey into the nether on the outskirts of their origin solar system.

Mind you, the Ikenes had already signed into law a bill that forbade initiating first contact with ipigs, and as much as the Ikenes endeavor to patrol their known region of the GDECC galaxy, at times, they miss important details, like a wandering 450-year-old Klogworp sleeper ship that happens to be wandering precariously close to an Ikene stream.

A side note, for the aid of the reader: streams have definite beginnings and definite endings. Streams must be constructed, as has already been mentioned, and then they must be maintained by a steady influx of oden waves. The creation of oden waves requires large mechanics. Very large. So large that the machine itself creates a gravitational pull. Perhaps, then, you can imagine what happened to the sleeper ship. With nothing else to influence it in the nether regions of their solar system, it meandered to the only magnetically charged object around.

You may be wondering, if all streams are manned by a maintenance crew, customs agents, police officers, physicians, and various and sundry food service workers and shop owners, then how did the Klogworp ship go unnoticed? The answer is, eventually, it didn’t. And while the police officers and customs agents were arguing about how to apply the law, the Klogworp ship was swept into the obliviator. (The obliviator itself is like a vacuum–the kind you sweep floors with.) Not being sentient, the obliviator had no idea that, by law, it should not obliviate Klogworps. (It’s a machine. It has no ideas at all.) In the process of extracting the necessary atomic blueprint, it reduced the ship and its inhabitants to their very basic elements, which, is a kind way of saying, it vaporized them.

As was mentioned, a person is more than the basic sum of their organic parts. A person is also a consciousness, and to preserve that consciousness during stream travel, the person must either volitionally enter the brain wave state that allows them to slip into the sixth dimension or receive a medicinal compound to achieve the same. Without first making the necessary docking to receive the proper injections, well, their bodies materialized at the Pyaniendi solar system, but their consciousnesses did not. It was very embarrassing. No one knows exactly what happened to the four Klogworps. A team of Zidannu monks searched the sixth dimension around the obliviator for months but found nothing.

The entire fiasco presented a challenge to the law. Had the Klogworps initiated first contact? They had, literally, travelled two hundred light years to a solar system colonized by the Ikenes. So, in that sense, it was a landmark journey for the Klogworps. Did they deserved to know, or were some things best left unsaid? This was the public debate, and it raged for over two years. Finally, a decision was reached to inform the Klogworps of their achievement. The reasoning was this: Klogworps had already discovered vions, which they called rememberers, and they had already detected kron fields in a laboratory, which they called hiders. It was only a matter of centuries before they figured out how to obliviate and materialize themselves. Once they did, first contact (or second, actually) would occur, and the Ikene’s would have to explain what had happened centuries earlier because it was written all over the history books. Either way, it was a lose-lose. The Klogworps were going to be angry. And they were. It wasn’t best way to kick off an interstellar relationship.



As with Ikene and Klogworp first contact, first contact between the Ikenes and the Majoons also involved reinterpretation of the law; however, luckily, it did not involve accidental death. None caused by the Ikene’s anyway.

Ikene spies, which were all over the UTC at the time (since the treaty they are no longer allowed within Klogworp or Majoon colonial boundaries, but the nature of spying is that it is secret so it’s anyone’s best guess as to who is spying on whom), were monitoring Ikene scientific developments involving vion message transfer and materialization. They monitored it for seventy-five years, during which the Majoons made little to no progress. The Majoons successfully sent atomic blueprint after atomic blueprint; it was the materialization process they couldn’t perfect, and perfection is a must when materializing live specimens, which they learned time and again when eep** after eep materialized with missing limbs, or limbs attached to heads, or paws where ears should be, or mouths on the backs of heads, or tails growing from noses, and so on.

Now, the Majoon super powers were in the middle of the Race for Peace Conflict at the time regardubg which of their religions should become the international religion. The state known as Kregai wanted their religion, Ballism, to prevail because they believed it would jettison the entire planet into a higher state of consciousness which would usher in an era of utopian peace. The state known as Maot Gutato wanted their religion, Astorism, to establish a world state because they believed it would trigger the descendance of their king, Pegen, from the skies who would become ruler of the planet and initiate an era of world peace. As you can see, both Kregai and Maot Gutato wanted world peace, and their “war” to achieve said peace was one of the most peaceful wars on record in the UTC’s Non-Brief History of the Unified Colonies. The Majoons are not violent, per se, but they are zealous. And their zealousness at times leads to ill-conceived plans that result in harm to innocent lives. Their experimentation with materialization is one such instance of this.

The Race for Peace Conflict was primarily a series of intellectual one-upmanships, as though whichever side proved itself the smartest somehow won the prize of best religion. However, there was no agreed upon finish line or ultimate intellectual achievement to signify a winner, so the one-upmanships escalated to a point of stupidity. (This term can be used here because even the Majoons, in hindsight, realize they began acting stupid.) The stupidity reached its climax when both Kregai and Maot Gutato began using people in their materialization experiments. The people who were experimented upon were zealous volunteers, eager to martyr themselves in the name of their religion, but this did not make it okay, at least from an Ikene perspective. The Ikene’s allowed the experimentation to go on for a decade, during which Majoons with two arms became Majoons with one arm and a nub (and no consciousness), or two feet were replaced by hands, or organs moved from the inside to the outside of the body, or eyes moved from the face to the buttocks.

After a while the Ikene public simply could not handle the gruesomeness any longer, and they voted on Bill 156356 to amend the Bill of Ipigs Rights to include: Thou shalt intervene when ipigs begin to stupidly kill themselves in the name of scientific advancement. (The vagueness and open-ended interpretation of this clause has led to further amendments, too many to list here.) The amendment allowed the Ikenes to initiate first contact by descending to the Majoon mother planet, Ghemelim.

If you have been reading closely, perhaps you can imagine what happened when the Ikene ships entered the Ghemelim atmosphere. The citizens of Maot Gutato declared the Astori religion superior because, they claimed, their prophecy had come true. Pegen had arrived! No matter how much the Ikenes explained themselves, the Astorians remained convinced that the Ikenes were the collective equivalent of Pegen. (Astorian scholars reinterpreted the prophecy to allow for Pegen to be an entire advanced civilization.) When the Ikenes began offering their superior technology, thus ending the Race for Peace Conflict, the Ikenes further solidified their deity status in the minds of the Astorians. A relatively large faction of Astorians still believe the Ikenes are gods, and this makes for some interesting interstellar relations.

**An eep is native to the Majoon home planet, Ghemelin, and is a small purple-blooded rodent with features one would expect on any rodent (sometimes nature is not very creative), such as a pointy nose, tiny, hand-like paws, and sharp little teeth.